What keeps us from Empathy?

Lesson: What Keeps Us From Empathy?

Many of us struggle with empathy, not because we lack compassion, but because we’ve been conditioned not to feel our own emotions fully. From childhood, we may have been taught to suppress emotions, fear them, or associate them with punishment, disconnection, humiliation, or shame. Understanding this is the first step in becoming more emotionally aware and empathetic as a parent.

Exercise 1: Exploring Primal Emotions

Take a moment to reflect on the following six primal emotions. Write down the first word or thought that comes to your mind when you think of each one.

1. Anger is: ____________________________
2. Grief is: ____________________________
3. Fear is: ____________________________
4. Joy is: ____________________________
5. Shame is: ____________________________
6. Surprise is: ____________________________

Example: Anger = dangerous, bad, wrong. Joy = good, safe, wanted.

Exercise 2: Beliefs About Emotions

Reflect on your upbringing and conditioning. Write down the beliefs you learned about emotions:

• Expressing emotions is: (good, bad, healthy, unhealthy, simple, complicated)
• These emotions are good:
• These emotions are bad:

Exercise 3: Childhood Emotional Responses

Think back to your childhood and recall how your caregivers responded to your emotions. Answer honestly:

• When I cried from disappointment or sadness, I was met with:
• When I was scared and needed consoling, my caregiver responded by:
• When I felt joyful as a child, I was treated with:
• When I felt ashamed, my caregiver responded by:

Reflection:
By exploring our own emotional conditioning, we can better understand how it affects our ability to connect with and empathize with our children. Recognising old patterns allows us to respond with compassion rather than judgment, breaking the cycle of fear or shame around emotions.